Jordan Pins Finns’ Wins on Sins

Team owner Eddie Jordan has come out in fierce support of the vodka-soaked carnival of debauchery that is Kimi Raikkonen’s life.

In fact, he implies that the main reason that Finns--including King Hakkinen The Hasty--are such savage speed freaks is that, as a people, they are puking drunk all day and night, all the christforsaken time.

Says Eddie:

It's a well-known fact the Finns love a bevy and can consume heroic quantities of alcohol, and Kimi is just following a national tradition. The Irish get lashed on pints of Guinness but the Finns do it with enormous amounts of vodka…

[Kimi’s] been caught absolutely bladdered on several occasions but it's to be expected…and why the hell not? Providing it's not during a race weekend or during testing I feel Kimi is entitled to get hammered every now and again.

Fellow Finns Keke Rosberg and Mika Hakkinen both liked a drink and a smoke behind closed doors and it never did them any harm. They both won world titles.

If you change someone's make-up they don't perform to their best. When you sign a driver with Raikkonen's talent you just have to accept the way he likes to live his life. It's a sad day when you are trying to force your aces to become even more corporate.

Assclown: the Life and Times of Ralf Schumacher

It's official. Ralf Schumacher is smoking dust.

Exhibit A.
'I'm a top-three driver' - Ralf S.

Mar.9 (GMM) Ralf Schumacher thinks he is one of the "best three drivers" in formula one. In an interview with Bild newspaper, the 31-year-old German...ranked himself alongside F1's undisputed top two Fernando Alonso and Kimi Raikkonen. "Clearly they are really fast but I don't feel like I have to hide from anyone," he said. "I rank myself among the best three drivers. "If I didn't think that then I wouldn't bother being in formula one any more," Schumacher added.

(Mind you, this is the same Ralf who was the second highest paid driver last year and has all of six wins in 10 years.)

Exhibit B.
Ralf hits bird on last test day

Mar.9 (GMM) Ralf Schumacher struck a bird on Thursday as his and Toyota's pre-season period came to an end at the Spanish Jerez venue. "He was able to drive back to the pits where repairs were made," a statement issued by the Cologne based team - referring to 31-year-old Schumacher, not the bird - read. The bird was apparently hit by the front left suspension of Ralf's TF107, which on the grounds of precautionary safety was replaced.

Exhibit K.

There is some good news, however. Kimi Raikkonen apparently celebrated his Bahrain practice sessions true to form by getting falling-down drunk back home in Finland, according to the Finnish press (via the Malta Star):

Kimi drunk at karaoke bar
07 March 2007
Kimi Raikkonen might have switched to Ferrari but he has not given up his partying ways, new reports in the Finnish press suggest.

The tabloid newspaper Iltalethi reports that a drunk Raikkonen, 27, was spotted at the weekend in a Helsinki bar singing karaoke after returning from the final pre-season F1 tests in Bahrain.

Iltalethi claims that the Finn, behaving raucously, had spent the evening drinking beer, and before leaving he autographed a bottle of Koskenkorva Viina....

What exactly is Koskenkorva Viina, you ask? Great question. According to wikipedia.com, it's industrial ethanol, spring water and a "very small amount of sugar".

Seriously.