13 August 2005

Get ready to crap in your pants.

This could be the Biggest Thing in the history of Speed since Mika Hakkinen invented the automobile in 1884.



Valentino Rossi, the Italian MotoGP driver (who dominates his sport like Jordan, Gretzky, Armstrong, and Schumacher combined) seems to be in the early phases of an F1 career.

Ferarri has been putting him thru the paces on its test track in order to get him an F1 Superlicense, which he would need to race in GPs. Word has it that Rossi is about 1.5 seconds off the pace. That's a considerable distance from being race-ready, but given that he's a motorcycle racer, it's also pretty effin amazing.

The theory is that he would be an official test driver next year when his MotoGP schedule allowed it, and would eventually replace MS as a full Ferarri driver.

It's an interesting concept. You have any number of theoretically more qualified drivers not only in GP2, Indy Car/Champ Car, but within F1 itself. Perhaps Ferarri's thinking is that anyone as dominant as Rossi has the secret ingredient needed to win--no matter what the genre.

So far, there's no official word out on all this, but as one of the F1 podcast guys pointed out, it's so expensive to even test F1 cars that Ferarri must have some expectation of being rewarded for its investment in Rossi.

The plot keeps getting thicker. For now, the pics of Rossi hanging around the Ferarri track are enough to make me crap in my pants with fear and awe.


More info:

http://www.speedtv.com/articles/auto/formulaone/18790/

http://www.speedtv.com/articles/auto/formulaone/18660/

12 August 2005

SpeedChannel: Kimi Greatest Driver in World


The Speed Channel has compiled its rankings of the greatest drivers in motorsport today. Interestingly (but unsurprisingly), Kimi Raikkonen is ranked #1 across the entire 4-wheel milieu--ahead of Schumacher. KR happens to be leading the F1 field in fastest laps. It's kind of a shame they didn't include MotoGP, cause Valentino Rossi would have dominated the list. One other thing: I think it's pretty safe to say that pretty much any F1 driver outclasses any NASCAR driver, even though it might be heresy to say that in the US...

Anyway, here it is:

1 Raikkonen Kimi F1
2 Stewart Tony NASCAR
3 Schumacher Michael F1
4 Bourdais Sebastien CCWS
5 Wheldon Dan IRL
6 Alonso Fernando F1
7 Mayfield Jeremy NASCAR
8 Tracy Paul CCWS
9 Herta Bryan IRL
10 Kenseth Matt NASCAR
11 Martin Mark NASCAR
12 Vickers Brian NASCAR
13 Wallace Rusty NASCAR
14 Busch Kurt NASCAR
15 Franchitti Dario IRL
16 Jarrett Dale NASCAR
17 Kahne Kasey NASCAR
18 Biffle Greg NASCAR
19 Hornish Jr. Sam IRL
20 Kanaan Tony IRL
21 Wilson Justin CCWS
22 Edwards Carl NASCAR
23 Servia Oriol CCWS
24 Gordon Jeff NASCAR
25 Busch Kyle NASCAR
26 McMurray Jamie NASCAR
27 Scheckter Tomas IRL
28 Mears Casey NASCAR
29 Sharp Scott IRL
30 Dominguez Mario CCWS
31 Castroneves Helio IRL
32 Schumacher Ralf F1
33 Meira Vitor IRL
34 Tagliani Alex CCWS
35 Vasser Jimmy CCWS
36 Trulli Jarno F1
37 Glock Timo CCWS
38 Button Jenson F1
39 Bremer Ronnie CCWS
40 Allmendinger A.J. CCWS
41 Montoya Juan Pablo F1
42 Heidfeld Nick F1

Hak to Kimi: "You're fast, but you're a dork."

Mika Hakkinen, the greatest sportsman of all time, had this to say about fellow Finn Kimi Raikkonen, the fastest man in F1 today:


"He doesn't need my advice....Kimi is so good that I think I have nothing to tell him about racing. Maybe off the track I can give him some tips."

To have a guy like Hakkinen say he has nothing to teach you about racing is perhaps the greatest honor that can be bestowed upon a human being. It brought tears of pride to my eyes on Kimi's behalf. That said, I think Mika was also subtly ribbing KR for marrying that bumpkin beauty queen when he could have been off gang-banging paddock hoes 5 at a time instead. And you know something? The King is absolutely right.

What am I saying? He's always right.

On a sadder note, Mika is stuck in 4th place in the 2005 DTM standings (though his team leads in the constructors cup). At least he's ahead of fellow ex-F1 drivers Jean Alesi, Heinz-Harald Frentzen, and Allan McNish. Taken together, they couldn't carry his fucking jock.

By the way: Mika, if you're reading this (and you probably are), please accept my sincere apologies for not sending you and Erja flowers and a Bob Marley onesie upon the birth of your lovely daughter in May. My congratulations to the family and to the nation of Finland. My guess is that Mika's daughter will be more than capable of putting Danica Patrick to the wall by age 7 at the very latest.

For those who hadn't heard the great news, here's a press clip:


DTM rookie Mika Häkkinen’s second child has seen the light of day. On Thursday morning, Häkkinen’s daughter Aina Julia was born in Monte Carlo. The little sister of Hugo Ronan Häkkinen (4) is 48 centimetres ‘tall’ and weighs 3,100g. Directly after the birth of his daughter, Häkkinen went by plane to Spa-Francorchamps to return behind the wheel of his AMG-Mercedes C-Class, this morning. [editor's note: he won at Spa]. The entire DTM sends congratulations to the Häkkinen Family!

Quote of the week


Cop: Man, there's a lot of Grade-A ass out here today!

--Ground Zero

Can computers predict the future?

The good news is we may be developing a primitive version of technology to predict future events. The bad news is that the future seems to suck.

Let me back up.

I have a theory. I think intuition is kind of like a mental connect-the-dots that’s as yet incomplete, but which has enough connected dots to suggest the ultimate form. Let’s say each intra-dot line represents a relevant fact, a piece of evidence, or the trigger to a memory you forgot you had—in other words, a piece of knowledge. When you have all the necessary pieces of knowledge, a clear idea forms in your head, just as when you have all the lines, you clearly see the picture. But when you have only some of the pieces of knowledge, you may only register a hunch—remember that all of this is happening in the background of your thoughts. The hunch is equivalent to the suggestion of a form on an incomplete connect-the-dots picture…. I think that’s what intuition is. It’s kind of like embryonic knowledge. Maybe a mosaic would be a better metaphor, but you get the point.

OK. Now imagine if this process were writ across a whole culture or civilization. Before something is known to a population, perhaps there is something like a collective intuition. Bits of knowledge materialize in disconnected quarters. Bit by bit, connections are made, but the big picture still hasn’t formed. Is there any way we could find those embryonic bits of knowledge and intentionally assemble them before the picture would otherwise, “naturally” emerge?

Some computer scientists are trying to do just that. Using ultra-powerful and complex computer programs, they send “bots” out to scour the public internet—websites, blogs, newsgroups, chat rooms, and so on—and try to tease out the zeitgeist via prevalent topics, emotive language, and I’m not sure what else (for a better, but way more confusing explanation, read this).

Think of all the various and sundry shit people write about the Iraq war, subjects having to do with economics, the weather, the news, and so on. And they casually slip references to all kinds of things into their speech…how hot it is in Fresno, how expensive apartments have gotten in Osaka, and on, and on, and on. The program apparently can handle all of that. The collected public content on the internet is probably a (roughly) fair sample of the world’s present knowledge at any given time. To be able to parse it all down, distill it, analyze it, etc could yield something pretty close to a global intuition, perhaps. The idea is not just to enumerate topics of global conversation, but to measure shifts in its “emotive content.” What comes out are fuzzy reports that apparently reflect and refine not only literally what millions of people are talking/writing about, but what they feel, what they believe is going to happen (perhaps without realizing it), and why and when.

"Cliff," one of the main guys who do this kind of thing, runs a site called http://halfpasthuman.com/. His reports are $70 when they come out, and $250 after the fact. They read like free-verse, computerized Nostradamus strophes:

“During this time, the [market halls/rooms] will [ring (with voices)] all (seeking) [their time (on the floor/to speak/trade)]. At this time, some [participants] will recognize that the previous period has marked the [zenith] of the [trade/swap (of paper)]. In concert with global battles being waged elsewhere, the [great/powerful men] who [rule (paper)] will attempt [to fly/exceed/escalate] something, in spite of many [warnings (public)]. This will be associated or marked by the appearance of a public scandal involving [influence peddling]. At that point, the [great/powerful merchants] will (publicly) [repent] of their (flying/escalation effort), but this will be too little, too late and the [peoples] will [not hear/believe].”


A market signal? I don't know. The real art apparently lies in interpreting the data the computers spit out. On that score, Cliff at halfpasthuman claims the output is totally decipherable, but has lousy timing. That said, some people credit him as having “predicted” 9/11, the tsunami, and the London bombings, among other things.

Here’s a sample of the guy’s analysis of a reading (which came after "the" 9/11, btw):

“An entity arises which must reluctantly be named FoundationCrumbles. This entity represents what does appear to be a attempt at an [attack]. The lexical construct of the entity suggests an (attack) on a person, or in more singular language and so could be interpreted as an assassination attempt rather than a more general form of attack as we are doing here. The use of [strike](down) could apply to an attack of both a personal or an institutional kind.

“Further, the clustering of lexical clues suggest that the most likely time for the attack is the night of September 10th. We have a clustering of our distance values for this entity arriving at that date within the modelspace. So the suggestion is the night of the 10th or the morning of the 11th. And of course, in so far as the western mind is concerned, using a solar calendar, this would be the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks of 2001. “


I would believe the bombings claims more easily than the weather claims. Theoretically, I suppose that if enough people have enough clues, and these can be harvested and compiled, maybe those people could “predict” natural disasters. But that would mean things like tsunamis are not as random as we thought, that they give out very subtle warnings long in advance—or that people are psychic. However, for human-created events, especially large-scale/ high-impact ones, I can believe that the masses out there collectively know some things that individuals do not, and that we can figure out what those things are. If only these programs could go through the world’s faxes and emails…how much do you wanna bet the NSA has something like that?

So, one must wonder what the computers are picking up now? Well, I happened to stumble upon what follows in a Yahoo message board for a small gold company. Now, I don't think Yahoo messages are a gold mine of knowledge and wisdom. This one, however, just caught my little eye. Along the lines of the Marginal Portfolio guy in my last blog entry, there is talk of the market foreseeing trouble (by sending oil and gold thru the roof). There is the suggestion of menace and conspiracy and impending doom. It's great stuff, actually. Whether the markets—or the bots—are predicting anything, I cannot say, but seriously: doesn’t everyone think things in general are, well, kind of fucked up right now?

Anyway, I leave you with an excerpt from the aforementioned Yahoo post:

"We reported to you on Monday that the Saudi's are making no secret of repatriating $360 billion from the US to other places closer to their home. After consultations with Cliff at www.halfpasthuman.com, I've come to consider the Saudi moves one of the most interesting of the past six-months. Just collecting the headlines puts it in perspective:

"July: Saudi Foreign Minister resigns
August: King Fahd dies
US shuts down embassies over terror threat
Oil prices hit record

"What would drive the Saudi's to pull out their money from the West without so much as trying to hide it from the public? A number of disturbing possibilities come to mind, but the two that are at our top of the heap are a pending Saudi production decline or perhaps the Saudis have a "heads up" on a financial disaster to come…."
[continued on yahoo, if you give a crap...]

10 August 2005

World to End Soon: Strong Buy.

Here's a little morceau from Marginal Thoughts, the website of a guy who runs a kind of commodities/doomsday portfolio (which is up 38% vs the market, btw):


“Tonight we'll share a completely unfounded suspicion with our readers diligent enough to check for new posts every night. WE DO NOT LIKE this recent action in gold. It's bullish, we're profiting from it, but I'm afraid that the market is sensing something problematic in the near future.

“Oil is making new highs, and gold is pushing towards 450. Something is not right. Something is about to break. We could be dead wrong about this, but our advice is to abandon conventional stocks and head for high ground. We feel that our portfolio contains adequate protection against adverse geopolitical circumstances, we will stand pat. Again, it's speculation, it's unfounded and unsupportable, but due to the strange action in precious metals, we foresee something ominous down the road. You have been put on notice.

“On that note, have a great night!”



Of course, he seems to be suggesting that the market is predicting a terrorist attack. It’s true that the market seems to have a way of predicting things (earnings misses, merger news, etc, sometimes seeps out in advance of official announcements; market participants sometimes collectively guess outcomes right, etc). This was why John “Iran/Contra” Poindexter wanted to build a terror futures “market” as part of the DARPA/Total Information Awareness program.

The idea was shot down since, among other flaws, you could go long a Friday bombing, then blow something up on Friday and collect. But legit markets like that do exist. One of em called the new Pope dead on. How well they—or the oil and/or gold markets—predict catastrophes is another question. Gold, for example, was in the middle of a decline when 9/11 happened.

The thing is, liquid markets tend to be pretty efficient, but they’re not psychic. For oil and gold futures markets to predict an attack, enough oil and gold investors might need to actually know that one is about to happen. I don’t think that is the case. More likely, what with the London bombings and Iraq, lots of peoples’ intuition may be that the risks of an attack are higher than normal. But does it really take a market to figure that out? Half these traders are getting their bags searched for bombs on the subway every morning. My guess is that unless there’s a massive global conspiracy, the markets won’t see an attack coming.

Whether the Marginal Thoughts guy is right or wrong in his interpretation that the market is predicting a calamity (and that one is indeed coming), it’s common sense that oil, at least, should be rising. The world is basically producing at capacity; there’s very little cushion for supply disruptions; it’s hot; it’s peak driving season; there’s all kinds of savage violence in the Middle East; bombs in London and Istanbul; Chavez is fuckin’ wack; Putin is fuckin’ wack; Nigeria is a christforsaken shame in every respect; and the US supplies are probably peaked out. On top of all that, demand is still rising. Despite ~$2.75/gal gas, American demand for it jumped 1.4% over the past year. It must suck to have an SUV right now. Anyway, the basic equation is something like this: limited supply + huge demand=higher prices. Higher prices = more oil futures buyers chasing the gains = even higher prices.

There is definitely an element of mania to the whole thing, but given all the crazy fucks around (both friend and foe), it’s not unreasonable to think that the shit will hit the fan any minute now. (That probably has something to do with why we’re camped out on the ocean of oil beneath Iraq. From the Hobbsian/ Leninist/ Neoconservative points of view, better us than someone else.)

What about gold? Why is it a safe haven? We don’t really use it up like we do our precious, precious oil. I think pretty much all the gold ever mined is still around (and supposedly would form a 66ft-square cube if we mushed it all together). We don’t really, really need it like we do other things, at least as far as I know…

Lessee, we solder stuff with it; we plate stuff with it; we put it in teeth (which we could, and probably do, recover post-mortem); and we use it for Bling. But with most of those applications, we don’t use it up, per se; we just assign it a use until we melt it back down for something else. If you’re Alberto Fujimori, for example, you take all the Inca masks in the Peruvian National Museum and melt them down for gold bars, which you use for bribe money. But how is gold money? How is it so valuable if it’s really not in very short supply, and we don’t really, really need it anyway?

Gold barely reacts with anything; it hardly oxidizes, it hardly corrodes, it hardly dissolves. Like its patron saint, 2-Pac Shakur (who not coincidentally took an Inca name), gold Just Don’t Give a Fuck--it’s one of the mellowest of metals. I think we think gold is so valuable because it’s sort of a tradition. Governments also used to just dictate its value, but now that we’re off the gold standard, the market does. And the market thinks gold is worth about $450 and ounce these days, give or take.

From an investment point of view, gold is the haven of value we flock to when the world is at risk of exploding and taking all that is great and good with it. But why? Is gold intrinsically valuable? Call me an A-Hole, but when the shit goes down, I’d rather have a fistful of iodine pills, tons of ammo, and a few thousand CLIF bars. Keep your gold, you mother-whoring bastard, or join me in the hills! We shall feast on the flesh of the invaders and the walls will be as knives, etc.

My guess? In the post-apocalyptic hellscape, as civilization feasts upon its own rancid corpse, Bling will no longer be King; brute force will be the only currency left.

That said, I’m long both oil and gold….almost exclusively. Just in case I’m wrong.