HAUS OF HAKKINEN--SPEED, MONEY, DOOMSDAY: Rhetorical corn on the dung-hole of F1

First up is this classic tidbit about Christ’s Gift to Speed (and Finland), Kimi Raikkonen:

“According to speculation, Formula One party animal Kimi Raikkonen has been at it again.
"McLaren's pace setting Finn, who has already been verbally warned about his alcohol-fuelled escapades by Ron Dennis, has apparently now received a formal written reprimand from the Woking chief.
"The gossip in the Spa paddock is that a drunk Raikkonen, 25, was somehow caught - in northern Italy - in public with his pants down in the week prior to last Sunday's Monza race.
"Mercedes boss Norbert Haug called the story a 'completely unfair attack' and 'a lie'."

There’s another Kimi black-out story here…I need that picture from Bild like Kimi needs his nightly coterie of sluts, a handle of Tequila, and a giant bag of toot.
-----------------------
PUSSY OF THE YEAR 2005

Who is Christian Abt, you ask? Nobody. Nothing. A chump. Trash. Abt is just another poser sucking his way to the bottom in the German DTM Touring Car Series. The reason he’s Pussy of the Year is that he traded some paint with the King of Speed (M. Hakkinen) at the Euro Speedway last week and had a hysterical hissy-fit about it afterward. Here’s the news summary:

"On the first lap, things were going well and I was able to make up several places," reflected Abt, who started from P19."Then [Rinaldo] Capello pushed a bit too hard and spun me."Even after that my lap times were okay - unfortunately, though, a two-time world champion [Hakkinen] behind me got nervous - and pushed me off the track."

Boo hoo hoo, cupcake. Let me clarify something for you: Mika didn’t “get nervous;” he was putting you to the fucking wall, you girl! And you damn well deserved it.

Here was Mika’s side of the story:

"After Christian Abt had hit my car, something was wrong and I was not able to push anymore."

Now THAT is what I call sportsmanship. Frankly, Abt is extremely lucky that Mika found it in his heart not to beat him to death (unmercifully) with a tyre iron in pit lane.

Back in the day, Abt would have paid for his backsass with an immediate kick in the face. Mika’s still got the fyre, but he’s long since settled down:

-----------------------

In other news, the Japanese GP at Suzuka is this weekend. Should be solid, even though the season is pretty much over. Kimi fucked the dog when his engine blew up in practice, but he so christforsaken fast I wouldn’t rule out a podium finish regardless.

Although Alonso’s locked in the Driver’s Cup, McLaren will be fighting ferociously for the Constructors’ Cup. Apparently there’s a lot of money in the latter. But with the Driver’s Cup locked up, Alonso probably will be taking more risks, too. Should be a good one.

Japan has a unique history vis a vis F1. Two (2) spectators were killed in 1977 (at the Mt Fuji course) after Gilles Villeneuve’s ride launched off the track after hitting Ronnie Peterson’s freakshow six-wheeled Tyrrell P34, pictured in my last blog post.

Unsurprisingly, Ronnie and the P34 came in 14th for the season. (Niki Lauda took 1st for Ferarri, Jody Schechter took 2nd for Wolf, and Mario Andretti took 3rd for Lotus. Those were some great racing years….)

Finally, the Japanese supposedly are up in arms about Honda firing Takuma Sato, who is widely considered the best F1 driver ever to emerge out of Japan. The problem is, he pretty much sucks. His car sucked, but face it: so did he. Some people think Sato might go to Toyota, but it seems like a long shot.
-----------------------
Bonus link: BBC story partly about MotoGP King Valentino Rossi possibly moving to F1….

Bonus pic: Juan making his “You fucking cock-a-roach” face: