Kimi Busted in Wild Chinese Orgy (?)

Got this story off the popular Finnish rag Iltalehti Online. Unfortunately, seein’ as how I don’t speak Finnish, I don’t know what in Sam H. Christmas it says.

Far be it from me to assume anything untoward about Kimi's behavior, but for the sake of convenience let's just assume the article says he got caught banging Chinese paddock hoes ten at a time. Understood, but I’d sure like to hear the details.

Everyone knows the ChiComs don’t go in for that European orgy shit, what with the one-child rule and all. Not officially, anyway... Of course, Charlie did invent ben-wah balls, so he ain't got a leg to stand on as far as I'm concerned.
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Räikkönen neljäs perjantain 1. harjoituksessa
14.10.2005 8:10

McLaren-tallin kolmas kuljettaja Pedro de la Rosa piti parasta vauhtia formula ykkösten Kiinan gp:n ensimmäisissä harjoituksissa perjantaina.

Shanghain GP:ssä riittää katsottavaa ajosessioiden välissäkin. (EPA)
Toiseksi nopein Shanghain nopealla radalla oli kisan viime vuonna voittanut Ferrarin Rubens Barrichello 1,8 sekunnin erolla kärkeen. McLaren-tallin Kimi Räikkönen oli neljänneksi nopein. Hän oli radalla vain viiden kierroksen ajan ja jäi kärkeen reilut kaksi sekuntia. Kuljettajien maailmanmestaruuden jo varmistanut Renaultin Fernando Alonso oli seitsemänneksi nopein 2,1 sekuntia kärjestä. Hän kiersi radan 10 kertaa.

Räikkösen tallitoveri Juan Pablo Montoya oli kuudenneksi nopein 2,05 sekuntia kärjestä. Michael Schumacher oli Ferrarillaan viidenneksi nopein. F1-kauden päättävässä Kiinan gp:ssä sunnuntaina ratkeaa, voittaako Renault vai McLaren tallien maailmanmestaruuden. Renault johtaa sarjaa kahdella pisteellä ennen McLarenia.
Perjantaina ajetaan vielä toinen harjoitusjakso.

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Also, apparently Jenson Button fell victim to the old "Let's Bukkake the Round-Eye" trick upon his arrival ahead of the Shanghai GP. Seen it happen a dozen times to unsuspecting Westerners. It's never pretty...

Raikkonen/ Hakkinen/ Bukkake

Have you ever wondered whether there was a correlation between Raikkonen, Hakkinen, and the Japanese group-ejaculation ritual known as Bukkake?

Me, too.

As you know, Haus of Hakkinen is about much more than commentary. This page is also concerned with researching the unseen facts that shape all our lives.

One of my ongoing interests is trying to divine the zeitgeist to the extent possible using statistics that fly under the radar. One example of this was HoH’s analysis of gold and oil stocks in comparison to Zarqawi- and bin Laden-capture futures. Another example was the entry entitled, “Can Computers Predict the Future?”

Call it quantum physics, serendipity, or what-have-you, but Things do seem to be Connected. For instance, besides having at least one superfluous K per word, I have discovered (via BlogPulse software) that there is indeed a correlation between Hakkinen, Raikkonen, and Bukkake:

Bukkake, as it turns out, appears to be a leading indicator of Raikkonen:

Amazing. But what does it mean? My guess is that the global consciousness has picked up a link between Kimi Raikkonen’s existence and the relative prevalence of Bukkake on a worldwide basis.

But what about Hakkinen? Where does he fit into this, you ask. Well, we all know that Mika’s long been a family man, and I guess we are forced to surmise that Erja doesn’t like to get bukkaked. Can you really blame her?

Bottom line: when KR is in town, you can bet your sweet ass a bunch of chicks are going to get hosed down with spunk.

P.S. Did you know that the original meaning of Bukkake refers to the Japanese culinary practice of dousing noodles with Miso soup? Mmmm, now THAT's tasty!

Bukkake!!!!

I Love Trash

Yahoo! message boards are always a great place to find some seriously trashy people. After a few minutes worth of trolling said boards this evening, I found this post, which wins my enthusiastic vote for most lucid point of the day:

Well spake! BTW I had to make the post into a jpeg to preserve the formatting. You've gotta appreciate how innovative some people can be. It's a mitzvah from God.