Assclown: the Life and Times of Ralf Schumacher

It's official. Ralf Schumacher is smoking dust.

Exhibit A.
'I'm a top-three driver' - Ralf S.

Mar.9 (GMM) Ralf Schumacher thinks he is one of the "best three drivers" in formula one. In an interview with Bild newspaper, the 31-year-old German...ranked himself alongside F1's undisputed top two Fernando Alonso and Kimi Raikkonen. "Clearly they are really fast but I don't feel like I have to hide from anyone," he said. "I rank myself among the best three drivers. "If I didn't think that then I wouldn't bother being in formula one any more," Schumacher added.

(Mind you, this is the same Ralf who was the second highest paid driver last year and has all of six wins in 10 years.)

Exhibit B.
Ralf hits bird on last test day

Mar.9 (GMM) Ralf Schumacher struck a bird on Thursday as his and Toyota's pre-season period came to an end at the Spanish Jerez venue. "He was able to drive back to the pits where repairs were made," a statement issued by the Cologne based team - referring to 31-year-old Schumacher, not the bird - read. The bird was apparently hit by the front left suspension of Ralf's TF107, which on the grounds of precautionary safety was replaced.

Exhibit K.

There is some good news, however. Kimi Raikkonen apparently celebrated his Bahrain practice sessions true to form by getting falling-down drunk back home in Finland, according to the Finnish press (via the Malta Star):

Kimi drunk at karaoke bar
07 March 2007
Kimi Raikkonen might have switched to Ferrari but he has not given up his partying ways, new reports in the Finnish press suggest.

The tabloid newspaper Iltalethi reports that a drunk Raikkonen, 27, was spotted at the weekend in a Helsinki bar singing karaoke after returning from the final pre-season F1 tests in Bahrain.

Iltalethi claims that the Finn, behaving raucously, had spent the evening drinking beer, and before leaving he autographed a bottle of Koskenkorva Viina....

What exactly is Koskenkorva Viina, you ask? Great question. According to wikipedia.com, it's industrial ethanol, spring water and a "very small amount of sugar".

Seriously.

A look at the 2007 odds

William Hill has their odds up for the 2007 Drivers and Constructors Cups. The numbers for the Drivers Cup are as follows:

K Raikkonen 15/8
F Massa 9/4
F Alonso 9/4
H Kouvalainen 12/1
L Hamilton 14/1
G Fisichella 16/1
R Kubica 20/1
J Button 20/1
N Heidfeld 25/1
R Barrichello 40/1
Ralf Schumacher 100/1
J Trulli 100/1
M Webber 125/1
D Coulthard 125/1
V Liuzzi 150/1
S Speed 150/1
N Rosberg 150/1
A Wurz 150/1
T Sato 200/1
A Davidson 200/1
C Albers 300/1
A Sutil 300/1

Basically, they're calling it a 3-way horserace between Kimi, Massa and Bultardo Alpaca, with Kimi a nose ahead. Sounds about right. And the time to wager is now, cause those three are going to start running away with the season starting day 1.

Anybody with a pair of onions (obviously not me) would throw all they had and all they could borrow on a Heidfeld or Kubica to show. Maybe even a Hamilton.

Now that I mention it, I'm surprised they have a rookie fresh out of GP2 that high up the rankings, but he is in a fast car and he does have a reputation for being a stone-cold barbarian on the sweeping turns.

I tried to get some additional science off www.tradesports.com's F1 book, but apparently there are no punters yet. I like the idea of seeing what the "market" is handicapping on a given trade, even though there's virtually no valid price discovery on that site since participation is so small.

Juan P takes the shit to NASCAR

I hold JPM in fairly low esteem for abjectly wussing out of F1 to join NASCAR. But this makes me feel a little better.

Mar.5 (GMM) F1 emigrant Juan Pablo Montoya scored his first NASCAR victory on Sunday in typically controversial style.

In the second-tier Busch category in Mexico, the feisty Colombian took out his teammate Scott Pruett to lead after climbing up from nineteenth in the field.

"That was just low-down, nasty, dirty driving," Pruett - who recently shared a winning car with Montoya in the Daytona 24 hour race - told ESPN2 television.

Montoya's crew chief at the Chip Ganassi team, Brad Parrott, said: "I'm really glad we won but really upset that we took out a teammate. I'm upset we wrecked Scott."

Ganassi said of Montoya's nudge, which sent Pruett into a spin: "I don't know that he had to make a move like that so soon."