Kimi's Back!!

Let's be honest. It's no secret that this year has been disappointing for Kimi Raikkonen fans. We keep waiting for the magic to happen, but week after week, we find ourselves disappointed.

But, on August 22, loyal fans were finally reminded why they love old KR, when Agenzia Giornalistic Italia published this headline:

PATENTE RITIRATA A RAIKKONEN, GUIDA IN STATO DI EBBREZZA

Translation:

RAIKKONEN DRIVER'S LICENCE CONFISCATED, DRUNK DRIVING

He's Effin' BACK!!! Writes AGI:

Milan, Aug 22 - Kimi Raikkonen had his driver's licence and passport confiscated: the Formula 1 pilot was pulled over in a state of drunkenness. His fame of party animal keeps growing. The McLaren pilot, probably in Ferrari next season, would have committed the offence after a party organised by Red Bull after the Grand Prix of Hungary in Budapest according to the German journal "Bild um Sonntag". The pilot would get a 7,500 dollars' fine. His parties in Finland and Switzerland are famous and it cannot be excluded that Ferrari starts to have doubts about him for this reason.

Frankly, it sounds to me like the reporter was drunk--and for that I commend him. In any case, the story started popping up in the international press. A piece on softpedia breaks it down for you so I don't have to:

After participating in the [Hungary] race, the McLaren driver was invited to one of Red Bulls’ parties in Budapest. We are not 100% sure on how much he had to drink at that party, but what we can be certain of is that he lost his driving license and 7500 dollars with it. Now, there are two stories to tell: According to the Danish media, Kimi drove back from the party drunk. At one point, the police stopped him and realized that he was under the strong influence of alcohol. They took his driving license away and fined the F1 pilot 7500 dollars. On the other hand, according to German tabloid “Bild am Sonntag”, the driver had a little too much to drink [i.e. blacked out nude in a puddle of his own rancid upchuck(?) --ed.] at the above named party and lost his wallet. Therefore, he also lost his money and registration – passport, driving license, etc. What we do know is that he had a hard time getting out of Hungary the next day, having no identification on him.

Glad to see he's apparently back in top form, and I genuinely look forward to watching him once again shame his nation and the sport in the near future.

In honor of this momentous occasion, I'm including a video capturing former F1 racer Juan Pablo Montoya cursing Raikkonen's name to high hell on the racetrack. It's a 10-second classic that I guarantee will make your day 50x better, or my name isn't Turd Ferguson. And it isn't.



UPDATE:
I've been informed that Kimi denies the whole story. Here's an exchange from the Aug 24 F1 press conference:

Q: (Andrea Cremonesi - La Gazzetta dello Sport) Kimi, just to clarify gossip that we heard a few days ago: Sunday night in Budapest, did you lose your wallet or did the police take your driving licence? Which is the truth?
KR: Yes, I read that I have lost my driving licence by driving and drinking. I don't know who wrote this story but for sure, he will get an interesting outcome from this and we will see what happens.
Q: Was that inaccurate?
KR: For sure we will see in the courts. I don't want to say any more.

Bottom line? I blame that bastard Turd Ferguson.