Kimi Shows Up, Alonso Melts Down

HUGE win for Kimi Raikkonen this weekend, especially as it was combined with a rare Alonso biff.

KR is now within 8 points of Alonso, who, having been savagely humiliated by Lewis Hamilton, is clearly experiencing the kind of catastrophic Freudian ego disintegration (a.k.a. "ego death") commonly associated with people who've overdosed on Schedule C hallucinogens, or flatlined on an operating table and come back, only to be tormented forever by howling, winged demons.

Public, slow-burn ego death is never a pretty picture--even the tabloids won't touch it--but in Alonso’s case, it gotta be especially rough. Right now he's finding out that deep down, underneath it all, once all those masks and the fruity little Euro sunglasses come off, he’s just another shame-faced clown.

Well, his loss is Kimi’s gain, so no complaints from me....

Sadly for Alonso, the Sabbatic Goat-Daemon Baphomet is a massive Lewis Hamilton fan. He also has boobies.

Why I Am a Kimi Fan...

...in 10 seconds or less:

Jordan Pins Finns’ Wins on Sins

Team owner Eddie Jordan has come out in fierce support of the vodka-soaked carnival of debauchery that is Kimi Raikkonen’s life.

In fact, he implies that the main reason that Finns--including King Hakkinen The Hasty--are such savage speed freaks is that, as a people, they are puking drunk all day and night, all the christforsaken time.

Says Eddie:

It's a well-known fact the Finns love a bevy and can consume heroic quantities of alcohol, and Kimi is just following a national tradition. The Irish get lashed on pints of Guinness but the Finns do it with enormous amounts of vodka…

[Kimi’s] been caught absolutely bladdered on several occasions but it's to be expected…and why the hell not? Providing it's not during a race weekend or during testing I feel Kimi is entitled to get hammered every now and again.

Fellow Finns Keke Rosberg and Mika Hakkinen both liked a drink and a smoke behind closed doors and it never did them any harm. They both won world titles.

If you change someone's make-up they don't perform to their best. When you sign a driver with Raikkonen's talent you just have to accept the way he likes to live his life. It's a sad day when you are trying to force your aces to become even more corporate.

Speed, Money and Doomsday Update

This blog is about Speed, Money and Doomsday. It says so right up top. I'm all about giving the people what they want, so here's a shiny nugget of content on each of the three subjects.

1. SPEED--Check out this Ferrari/Shell video. It's the coolest thing you'll ever see that isn't nude. Suddenly, I don't feel so bad about being forced to become a Ferrari fan upon Kimi's switch to the red car.

2. MONEY--How are the markets doing this year? Capital Spectator made this handy table for you. I borrowed it.

3. DOOMSDAY--There are so very many reasons why we're all doomed. For today, let's just concentrate on old-fashioned violence.

Now, I figured the world is more violent than ever these days. Apparently, it's not. The trend for armed conflicts is practically in free-fall, and while international terrorism (Iraq's not counted) is on the rise, the number of annual attacks is basically stuck near 300, while annual deaths are trending at 400-800 (as of most recent data). Bottom line: unless you live in Iraq, the odds are absurdly low that you have anything to worry about on this score.

BTW, my source for the graphs is a website for something called The Center for Systemic Peace. It came up when I Googled "global conflicts," so rest assured it's 150% true.

Assclown: the Life and Times of Ralf Schumacher

It's official. Ralf Schumacher is smoking dust.

Exhibit A.
'I'm a top-three driver' - Ralf S.

Mar.9 (GMM) Ralf Schumacher thinks he is one of the "best three drivers" in formula one. In an interview with Bild newspaper, the 31-year-old German...ranked himself alongside F1's undisputed top two Fernando Alonso and Kimi Raikkonen. "Clearly they are really fast but I don't feel like I have to hide from anyone," he said. "I rank myself among the best three drivers. "If I didn't think that then I wouldn't bother being in formula one any more," Schumacher added.

(Mind you, this is the same Ralf who was the second highest paid driver last year and has all of six wins in 10 years.)

Exhibit B.
Ralf hits bird on last test day

Mar.9 (GMM) Ralf Schumacher struck a bird on Thursday as his and Toyota's pre-season period came to an end at the Spanish Jerez venue. "He was able to drive back to the pits where repairs were made," a statement issued by the Cologne based team - referring to 31-year-old Schumacher, not the bird - read. The bird was apparently hit by the front left suspension of Ralf's TF107, which on the grounds of precautionary safety was replaced.

Exhibit K.

There is some good news, however. Kimi Raikkonen apparently celebrated his Bahrain practice sessions true to form by getting falling-down drunk back home in Finland, according to the Finnish press (via the Malta Star):

Kimi drunk at karaoke bar
07 March 2007
Kimi Raikkonen might have switched to Ferrari but he has not given up his partying ways, new reports in the Finnish press suggest.

The tabloid newspaper Iltalethi reports that a drunk Raikkonen, 27, was spotted at the weekend in a Helsinki bar singing karaoke after returning from the final pre-season F1 tests in Bahrain.

Iltalethi claims that the Finn, behaving raucously, had spent the evening drinking beer, and before leaving he autographed a bottle of Koskenkorva Viina....

What exactly is Koskenkorva Viina, you ask? Great question. According to wikipedia.com, it's industrial ethanol, spring water and a "very small amount of sugar".

Seriously.

A look at the 2007 odds

William Hill has their odds up for the 2007 Drivers and Constructors Cups. The numbers for the Drivers Cup are as follows:

K Raikkonen 15/8
F Massa 9/4
F Alonso 9/4
H Kouvalainen 12/1
L Hamilton 14/1
G Fisichella 16/1
R Kubica 20/1
J Button 20/1
N Heidfeld 25/1
R Barrichello 40/1
Ralf Schumacher 100/1
J Trulli 100/1
M Webber 125/1
D Coulthard 125/1
V Liuzzi 150/1
S Speed 150/1
N Rosberg 150/1
A Wurz 150/1
T Sato 200/1
A Davidson 200/1
C Albers 300/1
A Sutil 300/1

Basically, they're calling it a 3-way horserace between Kimi, Massa and Bultardo Alpaca, with Kimi a nose ahead. Sounds about right. And the time to wager is now, cause those three are going to start running away with the season starting day 1.

Anybody with a pair of onions (obviously not me) would throw all they had and all they could borrow on a Heidfeld or Kubica to show. Maybe even a Hamilton.

Now that I mention it, I'm surprised they have a rookie fresh out of GP2 that high up the rankings, but he is in a fast car and he does have a reputation for being a stone-cold barbarian on the sweeping turns.

I tried to get some additional science off www.tradesports.com's F1 book, but apparently there are no punters yet. I like the idea of seeing what the "market" is handicapping on a given trade, even though there's virtually no valid price discovery on that site since participation is so small.