Poll Results: 40.7% of You Are Drunk

Haus of Hakkinen has been hosting a poll over on the sidebar for a while, and the results are now in.

The poll asked readers, “Why is Kimi so Christforsaken Fast?”

Overwhelmingly, you were too drunk to answer the question. Take a look at the results:



These results come as no surprise, really. In fact, I can’t imagine why anyone who wasn’t falling-down drunk would read the trash I put on this site.

On the other hand, 33.3% of you apparently were sober enough to take a stab at Kimi’s secret, and you attributed his blisteringly incandescent speed to his being Finnish. In this assumption you were only partially correct. It is indeed necessary to be Finnish to be as fast as Raikkonen, but it is not sufficient.

So what about answer #3? Well, that was a trick question, but only 18.5% of you fell for it. The fact of the matter is that strippers do not routinely punch KR in the face with their asses; in actuality, he punches himself in the face with their asses. It’s a fine distinction, but one that I’m confident the less severely drunk of you can appreciate.

Well, as you’ve by now probably figured out, the correct answer was #4. Only 7.4% of respondents got it right, and one of those votes was my own. Poor show on your part, you smelly, grunting herd of barbarians!

So what does “Raikkosen tallitoveri han oli radalla ‘strippers’--toinen!!!” mean?

Well, it’s an old Laplander koan that unfortunately has no English translation. And even if it did have a translation, the underlying gist of the thing is so intensely vulgar—so absolutely fucking revolting—that I simply wouldn’t feel comfortable posting it on a family site like this.

Thanks for taking the poll, and better luck next time!